“A lot of times we don’t express our needs because we think they aren’t significant enough, we fear losing relationships or believe we don’t deserve to have our needs met. Those are our limiting core beliefs* nagging in our ear pushing us to be so “easygoing” that we never “inconvenience” anyone.”
Read moreThe Roots. What's at your core?
Image by Sadie Culberson Studios
The core is arguably the most essential part of just about everything. A core in a CPU is vital for receiving information and performing different operations. The earth’s core sustains its magnetic field. The core of most fruits and vegetables house the seeds. So the core is a pretty important function both figuratively and literally. If you find yourself having a hard time with balance in your life it may be time to check what’s at your core.
Core beliefs are our commitment to ideas about ourselves, other individuals, and the broader world. They guide how we treat ourselves and other people, usually acting as truths for the individual. These beliefs are at the center of our identity and etched into our foundation.
How do you discover what your core beliefs are?
Start here:
Be aware of your thinking patterns in different situations.
What do you believe about yourself? Both negative and positive.
Which habits do you view as healthy v. unhealthy? Why?
What do you believe about others? Is it the same for yourself?
Where are you dissatisfied with your life?
Do you believe you have the ability to change? Change your thinking, habits, etc.?
A few examples of limiting core beliefs.
There’s something wrong with me
I’m unlovable
I always have to be in control
I’m trapped
Other people have it so much easier than me
I should have been better
I’m difficult to get along with
It’s not safe to be vulnerable
My needs aren’t as important as others’
Core beliefs are typically hidden in plain sight but we tend to overlook them because they’re apart of our everyday thought process. Beliefs rooted in self-compassion and grace help project you forward by acknowledging your emotions while holding you accountable for your actions. Whereas beliefs rooted in shame, guilt, or lack* can cause you to remain stuck in spaces that no longer serves you. These are limiting core beliefs.* Your automatic or first thoughts about something may seem surface level but you may find they are your core beliefs.
Where do your core beliefs come from?
If you’ve read enough of my blogs you’ll notice a recurring theme about where most of our internal programming comes from. If you guessed childhood then you are correct! Although this may not be the case for some it’s helpful to recognize when and how these foundations were built so that you may go straight to the source for reprogramming. I use the term childhood as a general time period in reference to our social groups, authority figures, and the environment not just family. This is where we inherit the beliefs of our parents, family, religion, friends, and other institutions. As we grow older, change social groups or environments our core beliefs may begin to shift. Where you once believed that being vulnerable was something scary you may find now that your belief is you are in control of who you are vulnerable with based how safe you feel.
How to reprogram your core beliefs.
After you do the work to identify what your core beliefs are and their origin you can begin to rewire your thoughts surrounding the beliefs. It’s important to include self-compassion* in this step and may be helpful to talk to yourself as if you were a child or a close friend. We’re much harder on ourselves than we tend to be on others.
Ex.
Just like choosing to embrace your authentic-self, reprogramming your limiting beliefs isn’t a overnight job. Show yourself some compassion as you do the work to heal. Throughout your years you’ll go through seasons of learning/ unlearning and growth/stillness; it's all a part of the journey.
This is for me as much as it is for you;
I hope it resonates.
Remember...
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!
* Helpful definitions
Self-compassion is the ability to extend kindness, empathy, grace, and gentleness to one’s self.
2. A lack mentality is essentially the idea of scarcity.
A limiting core belief is a belief that negatively impacts the way you view yourself, situations, and other people.
The Roots. Choosing to embrace your Authenticity
There’s a direct correlation between your happiness and your ability to embrace your authenticity. So it’s safe to assume individuals are happier when they are their authentic selves. So why do so many of us choose to wear false masks and seek outside validation? The truth is embracing your authentic self isn’t always easy. From a young age, some of us were conditioned to believe there are certain standards, values, character traits we have to conform to in order to be accepted socially. While that may be true to an extent it’s important to note that authenticity is an essential core value.*
Being your authentic self means being true to yourself both inward and outward. It’s expressing your true self through what you say, what you do, and what you think.
What happens when you reject your authentic self?
You’re more prone to people-pleasing
You can feel lost or stuck
You can find yourself constantly changing your core beliefs to fit in
You may quit your hobbies because they aren’t “popular”
You may feel unfulfilled with life
You try to control other’s perspective of you
So why do we reject our authentic selves?
Fear of outside rejections
Fear of vulnerability
Past hurts
Fear of judgment
Fear of isolation
Lack-mentality*
Not wanting to lose relationships
Fear of disappointment
The keyword being fear. Although some of these things may happen we miss out on all that we have to gain when we take the mask(s) off.
How to uncover your authentic self
To be authentic you have to first have a clear understanding of who you are:
What do you value?
What are your wants and needs?
What do you believe?
How do you express yourself?
How do you communicate?
Who are you outside of what you’ve always known?
Who are you outside of what’s been assigned to you?
Does it align?
Are you seeking outside approval or validation?
What’s so important about authenticity?
When I sat down and asked myself those questions I was amazed to find I really didn’t know. I had never even thought about it. After checking in with myself and slowly over time I began to piece together a foundation of who I was without the weight of judgment from others. Then I was introduced to the magic word congruence. Congruence* is the harmonious golden area where inner self and outer self meet. It makes sense that congruence and authenticity go hand in hand. When you’re congruent you’re being your authentic self. Authenticity and congruence help to cultivate healthy, stable relationships within and outside of yourself. Being authentic means understanding that you may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok! You can’t control how people view your true self nor do you have to defend. You’ll begin to connect with individuals who know and accept you simply as you are.
I wish I could say this is an overnight process but being authentic is a daily practice of choosing to embrace knowing, accepting, and being who you are at your core. Throughout your years you’ll go through seasons of learning/ unlearning and growth/stillness; it's all a part of the journey.
This is for me as much as it is for you;
I hope it resonates.
Remember...
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!
* Helpful definitions
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization.
A lack mentality is essentially the idea of scarcity.
Congruence is a term used by Carl Rogers (a humanistic psychologist) to describe a state in which a person’s ideal self and actual experience are consistent or very similar.