The Roots. What's at your core?

The core is arguably the most essential part of just about everything. A core in a CPU is vital for receiving information and performing different operations. The earth’s core sustains its magnetic field. The core of most fruits and vegetables house the seeds. So the core is a pretty important function both figuratively and literally. If you find yourself having a hard time with balance in your life it may be time to check what’s at your core.

Core beliefs are our commitment to ideas about ourselves, other individuals, and the broader world. They guide how we treat ourselves and other people, usually acting as truths for the individual. These beliefs are at the center of our identity and etched into our foundation.

How do you discover what your core beliefs are?

Start here:

• Be aware of your thinking patterns in different situations.

• What do you believe about yourself? Both negative and positive.

• Which habits do you view as healthy v. unhealthy? Why?

• What do you believe about others? Is it the same for yourself?

• Where are you dissatisfied with your life?

• Do you believe you have the ability to change? Change your thinking, habits, etc.?

A few examples of limiting core beliefs.

• There’s something wrong with me

• I’m unlovable

• I always have to be in control

• I’m trapped

• Other people have it so much easier than me

• I should have been better

• I’m difficult to get along with

• It’s not safe to be vulnerable

• My needs aren’t as important as others’

Core beliefs are typically hidden in plain sight but we tend to overlook them because they’re apart of our everyday thought process. Beliefs rooted in self-compassion and grace help project you forward by acknowledging your emotions while holding you accountable for your actions. Whereas beliefs rooted in shame, guilt, or lack* can cause you to remain stuck in spaces that no longer serves you. These are limiting core beliefs.* Your automatic or first thoughts about something may seem surface level but you may find they are your core beliefs.

Where do your core beliefs come from?

If you’ve read enough of my blogs you’ll notice a recurring theme about where most of our internal programming comes from. If you guessed childhood then you are correct! Although this may not be the case for some it’s helpful to recognize when and how these foundations were built so that you may go straight to the source for reprogramming. I use the term childhood as a general time period in reference to our social groups, authority figures, and the environment not just family. This is where we inherit the beliefs of our parents, family, religion, friends, and other institutions. As we grow older, change social groups or environments our core beliefs may begin to shift. Where you once believed that being vulnerable was something scary you may find now that your belief is you are in control of who you are vulnerable with based how safe you feel.

How to reprogram your core beliefs.

After you do the work to identify what your core beliefs are and their origin you can begin to rewire your thoughts surrounding the beliefs. It’s important to include self-compassion* in this step and may be helpful to talk to yourself as if you were a child or a close friend. We’re much harder on ourselves than we tend to be on others.

Ex.

Just like choosing to embrace your authentic-self, reprogramming your limiting beliefs isn’t a overnight job. Show yourself some compassion as you do the work to heal. Throughout your years you’ll go through seasons of learning/ unlearning and growth/stillness; it's all a part of the journey. 

This is for me as much as it is for you;
I hope it resonates.

Remember...
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!

* Helpful definitions

1. Self-compassion is the ability to extend kindness, empathy, grace, and gentleness to one’s self.

   2. A lack mentality is essentially the idea of scarcity.

2. A limiting core belief is a belief that negatively impacts the way you view yourself, situations, and other people.

ONE year of Shades of Robin

We celebrate milestones big and small on this site. And today we celebrate ONE year of
Shades of Robin!

A year ago today I hit the “publish your site” button on a website that I had worked tirelessly on for months and dreamt about for years prior to that. Although things haven’t gone exactly how I’ve envisioned for this space I’m glad I took the chance on myself. This site has helped me explore my love for writing, sharing knowledge and showcased my other interests such as photography. 

A year ago I posed the question “Do I trust Myself?”. Well I must have opened a can of worms with that one because what followed was a series of situations where I was faced with relying on my intuition. While in most recent cases I’ve trusted my gut, mostly avoiding disappointment and distress, I can’t say the same for a year ago.  Some of those situations I wished I listened to my gut when it screamed “stay home”, “speak up” or “leave”. In those situations my willingness to dishonor my boundaries for the sake of doing the right thing, saving relationships, or not being labeled difficult overrode my better judgement. I imagine my ancestors were holding meetings in Disney's Mulan style. “What’s wrong with this girl?”, they’d say. “We’re showing her all the red flags!” they’d yell, shaking their heads. Between them, my therapist and God I came to the conclusion that I didn’t really trust my judgement. I’ve often been labeled as overreacting, overdramatic, sensitive or my favorite, difficult. But that’s what someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries would say. I didn’t know that at the time and would compromise my feelings for the purpose of seeming “easy going”.  My mind would scream in discomfort and still I’d endure the uneasiness longer than necessary. I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by not being authentic to how I felt. 

Thank God for a year of growth! Sometimes it’s hard to celebrate yourself when the growth has been internal. The parts of you that others can’t see or feel. The parts they have no idea that you struggle with. They don’t know about all the work that you’ve done to clear out the weeds and nourish the soil for something beautiful to bloom in this newfound space.I see growth everyday even if no one else does. And that’s ok. I’m grateful to the places and spaces I’ve outgrown because for everything I have lost I’ve gained in perspective, wisdom and self love. The journey isn't over, there’s still lots more to unpack but as for TODAY, we celebrate!

I’m so thankful to be able to share my words with you. I’m so grateful to those who have read or shared my blogs, booked a photoshoot, subscribed to the newsletters and given me words of encouragement. 
For those beginning to trust themselves and listen to their intuition; I see you and I’m proud.

Remember...
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!

Existing in solitude.

To be honest, I wasn’t doing ‘ok’ prior to the virus outbreak and social distancing. Of course if you’d asked me everything was ‘fine’. Truthfully, I wasn’t consistently honoring myself, my thoughts or feelings. No matter how it looked on the outside I was unraveling on the inside. Of course there were sparks of good moments but I was weighed down from carrying loads that weren’t mine to bear, wearing wounds as amour and answering questions that required introspection with an idk. Mostly out of fear of judgement. This self isolation has forced me to look inward to find the source of the blockages and begin the healing process. I could no longer navigate life on the falsehood of limiting core beliefs, fragile boundaries and unfocused direction. 

So how did this “aha” moment come about? It wasn’t one defining moment rather a series of unfortunate events. All of these events uprooted just about every “foundation” my life had been built on. At the peak of the last unfortunate event I decided it must be time for something to change. And you only have so much control on external factors that at some point it’s necessary to go within. I needed to recognize that as angry, hurt, and disappointed I was with other people, I felt the most betrayed by myself. For every time I didn’t trust my intuition, ignored my own boundaries, accepted less than I deserved I pushed Robin away and took on another identity. I was stuck in a cycle of unbalanced relationships with friends and family etc. My needs went unmet and I didn’t know how to express myself. I had always felt I was pretty self aware so when the ground beneath me began to crack my ego took a huge hit. Ever wake up in a haze? Not sure if what occurred was reality or a dream. Well I felt like I had been sleeping the last several years and waking up has been a haze of repressed memories, lessons that make sense now and finding messages in the patterns. 

So now what happens? Clinging to the past keeps you stuck and yearning for the future only causes anxiety. So I’ll focus on the present. Now comes the work. The hurt may not have been self inflicted but the healing is my responsibility.

Things that are helping:

Journaling

I’ve been journaling off & on since I learned how to write. These days I’m more intentional about journaling. I use it to process emotions, brain dump, utilize my voice and reflect. I’ll be sending out journal prompts again soon so subscribe to the newsletter!

Meditation/ Prayer

Speaking of being intentional. I strive to meditate and pray the first and last part of my day. Meditation helps set the tone for the day and gives you an energy space to refer back to when negativity arises. I’m not afraid to admit that I lack discipline so implementing this into my routine has been a task but it’s important for me to find balance so I push through. Prayer is just as important to me. It’s an intentional space for me to have a conversation with God.

Social interaction

For a good portion of this social distancing I have limited how much I chat on the phone and get on social media for personal reasons. But when I’m in the right headspace talking with friends and family has given me some great moments. Whether it’s a virtual game night, book club or just a facetime call to say “Hey” it’s nice to have some social interaction. Take time for yourself but try not to completely isolate.

Doing things I enjoy/ being create

I have always loved art whether it be crafting, painting, writing, drawing, photography etc. Whatever it was I enjoyed the process of creating something from nothing. At some point in my life I became so hard on myself that if I wasn’t able to pick up on something quick or the outcome wasn’t excellent I’d quit. Now-a-days I’m much more inclined to create art for the sake of creating. Sometimes I share my art and sometimes I keep it for myself. No external validation needed. The most important point is I’m creating and enjoying it.

Resting/ Resetting

There’s no shame in taking pauses and resting when you need to. There’s no explanation necessary. Take your time.

Self Care. Self Compassion

Self care can look different for everyone. So if it looks like an at home spa day, wining and dining yourself or indulging in some sweets that’s ok. If that looks like finally taking a shower after days in the same pajamas, that works too. Show yourself some grace and compassion. The point is to not get weighed down with external experiences that you forget about you! You can’t pour from an empty cup.

I hope this message resonates.
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!