There’s a direct correlation between your happiness and your ability to embrace your authenticity. So it’s safe to assume individuals are happier when they are their authentic selves. So why do so many of us choose to wear false masks and seek outside validation? The truth is embracing your authentic self isn’t always easy. From a young age, some of us were conditioned to believe there are certain standards, values, character traits we have to conform to in order to be accepted socially. While that may be true to an extent it’s important to note that authenticity is an essential core value.*
Being your authentic self means being true to yourself both inward and outward. It’s expressing your true self through what you say, what you do, and what you think.
What happens when you reject your authentic self?
You’re more prone to people-pleasing
You can feel lost or stuck
You can find yourself constantly changing your core beliefs to fit in
You may quit your hobbies because they aren’t “popular”
You may feel unfulfilled with life
You try to control other’s perspective of you
So why do we reject our authentic selves?
Fear of outside rejections
Fear of vulnerability
Past hurts
Fear of judgment
Fear of isolation
Lack-mentality*
Not wanting to lose relationships
Fear of disappointment
The keyword being fear. Although some of these things may happen we miss out on all that we have to gain when we take the mask(s) off.
How to uncover your authentic self
To be authentic you have to first have a clear understanding of who you are:
What do you value?
What are your wants and needs?
What do you believe?
How do you express yourself?
How do you communicate?
Who are you outside of what you’ve always known?
Who are you outside of what’s been assigned to you?
Does it align?
Are you seeking outside approval or validation?
What’s so important about authenticity?
When I sat down and asked myself those questions I was amazed to find I really didn’t know. I had never even thought about it. After checking in with myself and slowly over time I began to piece together a foundation of who I was without the weight of judgment from others. Then I was introduced to the magic word congruence. Congruence* is the harmonious golden area where inner self and outer self meet. It makes sense that congruence and authenticity go hand in hand. When you’re congruent you’re being your authentic self. Authenticity and congruence help to cultivate healthy, stable relationships within and outside of yourself. Being authentic means understanding that you may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok! You can’t control how people view your true self nor do you have to defend. You’ll begin to connect with individuals who know and accept you simply as you are.
I wish I could say this is an overnight process but being authentic is a daily practice of choosing to embrace knowing, accepting, and being who you are at your core. Throughout your years you’ll go through seasons of learning/ unlearning and growth/stillness; it's all a part of the journey.
This is for me as much as it is for you;
I hope it resonates.
Remember...
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!
* Helpful definitions
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization.
A lack mentality is essentially the idea of scarcity.
Congruence is a term used by Carl Rogers (a humanistic psychologist) to describe a state in which a person’s ideal self and actual experience are consistent or very similar.