To be honest, I wasn’t doing ‘ok’ prior to the virus outbreak and social distancing. Of course if you’d asked me everything was ‘fine’. Truthfully, I wasn’t consistently honoring myself, my thoughts or feelings. No matter how it looked on the outside I was unraveling on the inside. Of course there were sparks of good moments but I was weighed down from carrying loads that weren’t mine to bear, wearing wounds as amour and answering questions that required introspection with an idk. Mostly out of fear of judgement. This self isolation has forced me to look inward to find the source of the blockages and begin the healing process. I could no longer navigate life on the falsehood of limiting core beliefs, fragile boundaries and unfocused direction.
So how did this “aha” moment come about? It wasn’t one defining moment rather a series of unfortunate events. All of these events uprooted just about every “foundation” my life had been built on. At the peak of the last unfortunate event I decided it must be time for something to change. And you only have so much control on external factors that at some point it’s necessary to go within. I needed to recognize that as angry, hurt, and disappointed I was with other people, I felt the most betrayed by myself. For every time I didn’t trust my intuition, ignored my own boundaries, accepted less than I deserved I pushed Robin away and took on another identity. I was stuck in a cycle of unbalanced relationships with friends and family etc. My needs went unmet and I didn’t know how to express myself. I had always felt I was pretty self aware so when the ground beneath me began to crack my ego took a huge hit. Ever wake up in a haze? Not sure if what occurred was reality or a dream. Well I felt like I had been sleeping the last several years and waking up has been a haze of repressed memories, lessons that make sense now and finding messages in the patterns.
So now what happens? Clinging to the past keeps you stuck and yearning for the future only causes anxiety. So I’ll focus on the present. Now comes the work. The hurt may not have been self inflicted but the healing is my responsibility.
Things that are helping:
Journaling
I’ve been journaling off & on since I learned how to write. These days I’m more intentional about journaling. I use it to process emotions, brain dump, utilize my voice and reflect. I’ll be sending out journal prompts again soon so subscribe to the newsletter!
Meditation/ Prayer
Speaking of being intentional. I strive to meditate and pray the first and last part of my day. Meditation helps set the tone for the day and gives you an energy space to refer back to when negativity arises. I’m not afraid to admit that I lack discipline so implementing this into my routine has been a task but it’s important for me to find balance so I push through. Prayer is just as important to me. It’s an intentional space for me to have a conversation with God.
Social interaction
For a good portion of this social distancing I have limited how much I chat on the phone and get on social media for personal reasons. But when I’m in the right headspace talking with friends and family has given me some great moments. Whether it’s a virtual game night, book club or just a facetime call to say “Hey” it’s nice to have some social interaction. Take time for yourself but try not to completely isolate.
Doing things I enjoy/ being create
I have always loved art whether it be crafting, painting, writing, drawing, photography etc. Whatever it was I enjoyed the process of creating something from nothing. At some point in my life I became so hard on myself that if I wasn’t able to pick up on something quick or the outcome wasn’t excellent I’d quit. Now-a-days I’m much more inclined to create art for the sake of creating. Sometimes I share my art and sometimes I keep it for myself. No external validation needed. The most important point is I’m creating and enjoying it.
Resting/ Resetting
There’s no shame in taking pauses and resting when you need to. There’s no explanation necessary. Take your time.
Self Care. Self Compassion
Self care can look different for everyone. So if it looks like an at home spa day, wining and dining yourself or indulging in some sweets that’s ok. If that looks like finally taking a shower after days in the same pajamas, that works too. Show yourself some grace and compassion. The point is to not get weighed down with external experiences that you forget about you! You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I hope this message resonates.
Be gentle with yourself & keep evolving!